The loss of a baby is a devastating reality that can happen to families in all countries. Experiencing the death of a baby can be both shocking and overwhelming. The intensity of grief will not last forever and lessen with time.
You have entered a community of grieving parents who have learned to create a new normal and maneuver through life without their child. Each loss is different and each person's reaction to losing a child is different. Parents commonly can feel emotions such as shock, confusion, loss of control, jealousy, anger and disappointment.
When a small child dies, hopes are shattered, and parents are left to put the pieces of their lives back together - pieces that never fit the same way again.
There are many ways to remember and honor your baby. Sharing your testimony enables others to know your baby's story. We welcome you to share your story here on our ISA website. You are not alone.
After three years of trying to become parents, including fertility assistance and a successful round of IVF, we were thrilled to find out we were pregnant in early January 2021…our first child…a baby boy. The pregnancy was smooth and healthy overall. Then at 39 weeks, just one day before I was scheduled to be induced, I noticed I had not felt him move since the night before. I hoped it was all in my head, but the doctor agreed to see me quickly. They searched and searched for his heartbeat…the longest and most excruciating minutes of my entire life…it wasn’t there. My precious baby boy, whom we named Remy, had passed away.
Unable to wrap my head around inducing labor, we met him the next day following a caesarean on September 4, 2021. The cord was around his neck, and there was excess blood from the placenta…but the doctor says we may never know for sure what happened. We held him close, studied his features, kissed his cheeks, sang to him and cried. He was absolutely beautiful. I am still in the very early stages of grieving his loss, but even in the depths of it, I am so grateful that he made me a mother. My heart will never be the same.
Post created by Asheville, NC, United States. On September 20, 2021
I lost my daughter 1/18/2018 she was born sleeping. I remember I woke up one morning and my baby father said katlyn u didnt wake up to use the bathroom at all I said that’s weird cuz usually she wakes me twenty times or just dont allow me to sleep. So I called my doctor they told me to eat something sweet and wait a half hr if I didnt feel her move to come in so I waited and it felt like hrs 30 mins later I was showered and going to the hospital I got there walked up the stairs by myself while my mother parked the car I got upstairs and called my baby father who was at work he was on the phone with em the whole time on video there was one lady she couldnt find a heart beat I’m laughing and talking at first them she brought another lady in I knew something was wrong so I pad attention then they leave and get a doctor he asked me to acknowledge there was no heart beat I couldn’t acknowledge but I knew before they told me my baby was born 8 hrs later sleeping it was the worst 8 hrs but the best I pushed her out and got to hold her she was due 10 days later why I ask God did he want her so bad and he told me babys born sleeping are needed by me. I guess my angel has more work to do for gos but honestly I see her all the time I see her in her brothers I see her in butterfly’s that land close to me. I swear when I’m ready to give up I hear her whispering when God’s ready for u he will take you mom but right now my brothers and sister needs tou and my beautiful nephew that will be born.. tianna rose mommy loves u and thanks you for getting me through this tough time of not having you.
Post created by Ashford, Connecticut. On August 27, 2021
I still remember like it was yesterday. The night before I found out she passed, my husband and I were putting together her automatic rocker. Then just out of the blue, I felt her make very quick movements. I didn’t think anything of it because she was always very active. That morning I woke up and didn’t feel her normal routine, so I called the doctor and they told me to come to the hospital. That is when I found out that she had passed away because the cord had wrapped around her neck 3 times. I was 38 weeks pregnant on July 14, 2008 and her name was Brooklyn Jade and I still think about her often.
After the delivery, I had no support system or any knowledge about stillbirth at that time. I suffered alone. I also had a 3 year old who was expecting a little sister. I didn’t know how to open the discussion of pregnancy loss or the emotional strength to explain.
Fast forward many years… I wrote a children’s picture book called “Rainbow” by Je’Nai Kuhn. It’s about the loss of a baby from stillbirth, which is based on my own experience, but told from a child’s unique perspective. It’s a beautiful book. Hopefully it can offer hope and healing for someone during such a traumatic time. I know it could have helped me.
Post created by Manhattan Beach, USA. On August 21, 2021
My journey started November 4th 2020. I wasn’t feeling good for a few days and i was late on my period , i took a pregnancy test and there was a big fat positive, i took 3 more just to make sure it was real. My fiancé was just getting off of work so i had to hurry to the store and get some things because i wanted to suprise him. He got home and i told him to sit down and i gave him the gift ( the pregnancy tests were at the bottom ). He opened it and saw the socks and the outfit and was like what is this for and i said keep going open the rest and when we saw them his whole face was lit up. We we’re both super happy and relieved to know we would be having a baby. I found out i was having a boy and that i had some high risk factors such a preclampsia , gestational diabetes , high blood pressure and sugars. I was sent to a high risk doctor for those and also a cardiologist because we found out that my baby would have heart problems which took a huge toll on us. My very last appointment the doctor told me that his heart was starting to look better and i was more than excited to hear that my heart was beating so fast. I called my grandma and my fiancé and everybody and told them and theh were all relieved. Weeks go by and im 29 weeks & 4 days and my fiancé and i are going to get a 3D/4D ultrasound. Our son was so handsome and chunky weighing 3 pounds almost 4. 2 more weeks go by and im 31 weeks , on the night of May 6th my baby was moving so much. The morning of May 7th i didn’t feel him kick and i couldn’t find his heartbeat so we came to the hospital and my baby passed away. I had to deliver him so he was due May 8th 2021 @ 10:26 pm. Such a sad moment for us having to deliver a deceased baby , not hearing him cry or seeing him move was very heartbreaking. We will be laying him to rest in a few days but god had a reason for what he did and i can’t do anything but continue on everyday in rememberance of my son.
Post created by Lake Mary, United States. On May 10, 2021
My pregnancy loss journey started when I was 18 after becoming pregnant from sexual assault. I absolutely refused to acknowledge my pregnancy until it was too late because 4 weeks after finding out I had my first miscarriage. About a year later I met someone I loved and after 6 months found out I was pregnant again but at my 12 week ultrasound I found out that my baby’s heart had stopped beating and I was scheduled for a d&c that afternoon. Fast forward 2 years I’m engaged and find out again that I’m expecting but our excitement was short lived and I miscarried not even 8 hours later. Because of the losses and the stress of them my fiancé left me to deal with the aftermath of 3 miscarriages. Then a year later I fell in love again, we got pregnant 8 months later and got married when I was 12 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy was going amazingly well. For the first time ever I got to announce my pregnancy, I got to learn the gender of my baby, I got to buy all the exciting things for him, I even got to plan and send invites to my baby shower. But at 27 weeks pregnant on Valentine’s Day I started having immense pain and my doctor told me to go to l&d because she thought I was in labor. Upon arriving at the hospital we were given an ultrasound to check on him and after 10 minutes the ultrasound technician said she needed to grab a more experienced tech. That happened 4 more times before a doctor came to tell us our son had passed away and the pain I was experiencing was because I had an infection of my uterus and was septic. I don’t remember much from that point on but the sound my husband made as he walked out of the room to call his mother will haunt me forever. It was a sound that explained how I was feeling. A sound I hope no one ever has to make or hear in their entire life. A sound of complete and utter anguish. I had to wait in triage for 7 hours before being admitted for an emergency induction because so many happy beautiful pregnant women kept coming in to have their babies. I don’t remember any of my labor because they had me on more medications that I can count, what I do remember is going to the bathroom thinking I had to urinate but after sitting down realizing that I was crowning and my son was coming, my mother and husband started yelling for nurses to come in as I kept telling them I’m not ready for him to come out; sobbing and screaming that I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t deliver him knowing he wouldn’t cry. But I did. And we all held him and each other crying and marveling at how beautiful he was even though his organs were on the outside of his body and his head was severely malformed. To us he was perfect, a beautiful being that was too good for earth. We held him for hours before we finally let the nurses take him. I had the most amazing nurses during my hospital stay, they often came to my room just to talk to me and support us, and upon discharge they brought us a card that all the nurses and staff that worked with us signed along with some blankets they had our son in and a felt heart. But I think the most difficult thing about that experience was leaving; I kept telling my husband we had to go back inside to get him, my husband had to physically force me into the car because I couldn’t leave without my son. But I did. It took a long long time for us to heal and be ready to try again. And when we did we finally had a healthy full term rainbow after many storms.
Post created by Clovis, United States. On May 7, 2021
After trying to get pregnant for 11 months, I became pregnant with our daughter, Charlotte Victoria. We were overjoyed. I had a very healthy pregnancy with all of the parties and celebrations that come with being a first-time mom. We were shocked and devastated when we found out she passed away at 38.5 weeks. She was born on January 28, 2017 with the cord wrapped tightly around her neck twice; a rare and freak accident. I became pregnant twice more, but had two subsequent miscarriages later that year. I lost three babies in 2017. All medical tests came back fine; our doctor said we were having “extreme bad luck”. I became pregnant again with our son, Nathan Edward, who was born healthy on October 26, 2018. He is the light of our lives and a true blessing.
Post created by MILFORD, United States. On May 5, 2021
Clicking on the message the first post I read has my angel Baby boys date and is like it was meant to be. For my first angel Baby Boy JESSE-GARON born sleeping on 16th-Nov11th-2017 and my second angel Baby Boy Theodore Jordan Wilfred born sleeping on the 25th-September09th-2018 my babies your all I know and to me perfect yet time goes on and holding on or feeling of wonder or want or anger not knowing or realising the guilt or blame the sudden ness the hurt and loss the scary dramatic and darks in this world are feelings that might always be here there’s also that uniqness that feeling that look that smell that beauty that knowing that caring and knowledge of the links enabled when experienced the wonders in this world and the moments times n forever that Yous will always be I love yet want for you wonder but feel at peace in the comfort that your comforted until the day I get to comfort love and just be with Yous
Post created by Coolbellup, Australia. On January 27, 2021
To my sweet Kehlani. I miss you so much. Not a day gets easier. Your big brothers miss you too. I wish you were still here with me. September 25th is my least favorite day by any means. Until we meet again my sweet princess. Love mommy.
Post created by Allentown, United States. On January 19, 2021
My sweet Levi, from the moment we found out we were pregnant we knew without a doubt it was a boy. We waited for so long to meet you and each day kept imagining what you would like. Nov 23rd 2020 was supposed to be the day we finally take you home but God had other plans. My heart was ripped into pieces and even though I never got to meet you..you will forever be my baby, my firstborn, my sweet Levi. Forever cherished and loved till we meet again darling.
Mummy and daddy
Post created by Mombasa, Kenya. On November 29, 2020
Attached is a link to my blog/website which includes a short poem I wrote regarding my own still birth. If you think it will help others please release it on your site.
Post created by Surrey, United Kingdom. On November 25, 2020